Want to quit? Put down the guilt bags.
Quitting doesn’t mean failure. Quitting can be a smart choice. Quitting can get rid of what you don’t need and create space. When you know where you are trying to get to, quitting may be the way there.
Quitting comes in carrying suitcases. Whether it’s wanting to quit a job, a project or a relationship, it never looks straight forward. Suitcases called “guilt” or “expectation” can be heavy. One case may have a fancy label reading “judgement”, or marked with a sharpie asking “What on earth am I going to do?”. A huge cabin trunk called “failure” to be dragged over a gravelly path of grit, resilience and perseverance.
Put the suitcase down on the ground and step back to check the bigger picture.
Begin with a different question, does quitting move me closer to my why?
What is my why?
The big aim. It may be the one behind the project. It may be elusive and big; a society’s expectations. It may be a clear text.
Do you have a why?
What does it look like when you do have a clear why?
To see this, we look to celebrities, successful people, and Tim Ferris interviews. These are some recent examples I have found.
When Jini was a little girl, her brother Kimong needed urgent medical care. As the family struggled with mounting medical bills, she helped enrol the family in Medicare. This experience was the “why” for her company to improve healthcare in America. When the proposal to build the first cloud database for Medicaid was issued, Jini jumped at this because she was clear on her why.
After Live Aid, Bono and his wife spent a month in Ethiopia working at an orphanage. His experience led to the forming of ONE to beat extreme poverty. The “why” leads to further questions and action.
“What are the blind spots of our age? It might be something as simple as our deep-down refusal to believe that every human life has equal worth.”
Following the end of a 15-year relationship, Julie was looking for direction. One night, she emailed her friends and people she knew, who lived with purpose, asking how they got inspired.
“As you can imagine when you write to a group of very motivated individuals, they’re all morning people, of course.”
Their replies were there in the morning. A common theme was having a set of principles or guideposts, which they used when they made any major decision. Something stable that they went back to.
With a clear “why”, look at the decision to quit.
Imagine you are standing at a taxi rank. You have the project in mind, the idea to quit, and the luggage that accompanies it by your feet. The first three taxis have signs saying:
1. Why are you doing this project?
2. What is this for?
3. Who benefits?
If none of the answers fit in with “your why” leave the bags on the pavement and move on. If they do fit, you may find when you pick them up, they’re a little lighter.
